Memory's Folly

I miss the balmy southern mornings with the last breaths of thunderstorms still on the wind.

Lately I’ve been thinking about the social world in terms of pure energy exchange. I have found that the process of doing that is very draining or that it requires large amounts of energy input. Something I have been working towards understanding better is the exchange rate of energy between myself and others and more specifically how I feel after these exchanges. My goal for most exchanges is to leave them with as close to the same amount of energy as I came into them with. That is something that is easier to do with certain people than others for me and I think it is true for all people. Lately I find myself seeking out the people that leave me with that even exchange and avoiding or subduing those that leave me with a surplus or a negative. This is something that I haven’t fully explored or began to conceptualize into my vision for how I want to live my life but it has started to allow me to keep better track of my own energy expenses and how they make me feel. That being said I do realize that it is not the most sustainable method for energy accounting but it has helped me store back some of that energy after exerting so much in the process of being intentional with its use. My dreaming practices have been very weak lately and I intend to return them to the level they were at before they started slipping away. My hopes are that through this process I can begin to regain a positive feedback mechanism for storing energy in my life that I can use to tackle these encounters that I’ve been having trouble supporting.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that in order to maintain a healthy relationship with my community I must first take care of my own energy and maintain a level that not only sustains me but also provides positive feedback for the members of my community. The work begins.


Where in the world is that girl who knows its alright to live a life waiting to die?

Where in the world is that girl who knows its alright to live a life waiting to die?

I don’t need you
But I want you
Though I need you
To know that I want you

I appreciate the healing energy of connection.  I also appreciate the challenge of letting your guard down enough to connect to another human on a totally honest level.  I think everybody needs an environment where they feel safe to connect with people and to be honest without fear of judgment.  I am happier than I have been in a long time and at this point it is because I live in a household that appreciates individuality and connectedness equally.  We have guidelines for how to treat each other respectfully and there is a general understanding that we are all allies.  This is so special that it is hard to explain but the effect is super grounding.  It serves as a very powerful base from which to move in the direction of our dreams and goals.  Everybody needs to be grounded from time to time, just as everybody needs to float in space as well.  judgment serves to stifle and suppress where connection and interbeing can set us free.